Fantasy Football, Lady Smut Style

Happy fall, everyone! Temperatures are falling, leaves are falling, and tomorrow the 2013/14 football season gets underway. Like it or loathe it, football’s here to stay. For some gals it means fleeing their homes on Sundays like it’s a barn on fire. The games are long and never seem to end. When one’s over, another one begins. It’s a seemingly endless marathon of big grown men clashing into one another and analysts dissecting their every move. Plus, there are now games on Sundays, Mondays, and Thursdays. How’s an anti-football gal to cope?

Have no fear, Lady Smut is here. If you like the game, great. Enjoy! But if the idea of watching an entire football game holds as much appeal as trying on swimsuits when you’re bloated and retaining ten gallons of water, we’ve got a way to cope with that. It’s fantasy football, Lady Smut style. We present for your viewing pleasure our starting lineup of Gridiron Gods.

Quarterbacks are like the lead singers in a band. They’re the ones on whom the spotlight shines. When they’re great they’re worshipped, when they fall short they’re villified. Talk about pressure!But last year’s Super Bowl winning quarterback, Jay Flacco of the Baltimore Ravens, seems to be taking it all in stride, especially since he triumphed over Tom Brady, QB for the New England Patriots. Tom might be the most well known of this hot NFL bunch, helped in part by his incredible prowess on the field as well as his relationship with supermodel Gisele Bündchen. Together they’re a super couple, but we prefer looking at Tom on his own.

We need a running back on our team, so bring on Reggie Bush. Yes, he’s got that association of having a relationship with Kim Kardashian, but we’ll leave it in the past where it belongs. Reggie’s starting a new season this year with the Detroit Lions, and he and his girlfriend Lilit Avagyan welcomed the birth of their baby girl last May. Things are looking good for Reggie and Reggie’s looking good to us.

No team is complete without its defense, and who better to defend us than the uber sexy Jason Taylor. To be clear, Jason actually retired two years ago and now works an a football analyst. But he still looks to me like he wouldn’t have any trouble defending whomever he needs to protect. Besides, if he’s not running all over the field it’s a whole lot easier to keep an eye on him. 😉

We’ve got two wide receivers on the Lady Smut fantasy football team. First, sink you eyes into none other than Miles Austin of the Dallas Cowboys. Miles is a talented player who also gives back to his community. With the help of his family he started a foundation that helps provide character development to kids from lower income families. He also bears a striking similarity to Vin Armani from the TV show Gigolos. For our fantasy team, we’ll consider that a plus.

 

I’m also putting in Eric Decker from the Denver Broncos. After all, there a couple of wide receives in every lineup – one for each side. So Minnesota boy Eric Decker gets the call. I’m loving the sturdy jaw and far away gaze. I’d sit under that tree with Mr. Decker anytime.

Lastly, just in case either of our two quarterbacks start feeling under the weather, I’m adding Jay Cutler to the list. He’s QB for the Chicago Bears and husband to reality TV gal Kristin Cavallari. Apparently there was some kerfuffle about them getting engaged, and then not, and breaking up, or something or other. I’m not sure what the deal was (perhaps Madeline can fill us in!). But looking at Mr. Cutler’s all-American good looks (he was raised in Santa Claus, Indiana!) makes me want to grab some pom poms and start leading cheers.

What do you think? Will our fantasy team make the playoffs? Let me know if I’ve left off you fave!